Real Writers in Action: Michelle Navarre Cleary

The Sad Tale of a College Writer: A Cautionary Tale

by Michelle Navarre Cleary, SNL Writing Coordinator

(Humbly Submitted to SNL Students in the Hope That They Can Learn from the Error of Her Ways and So Avoid Much Pain, Suffering, and Mediocre Grades)

1. Get the assignment, read it over briefly in class while teacher is talking about something else, feel panic start to build at utter impossibility of being able to write this paper.
2. Note that paper isn’t due for two weeks. Relax and stick assignment in folder.
3. Ignore assignment.
4. Continue to ignore assignment.
5. On the Sunday afternoon before the paper is due, sit in library and read over the assignment a number of times.
6. Decide that what I need to do is some research.
7. Spend several hours in the library collecting a stack of 10-20 books on the subject.
8. Start to take notes in library.
9. After about fifteen minutes, decide dorm room would be more comfortable place to take notes.
10. Feel virtuous carrying 20 pound bag of library books back from library.
11. Walk through common area on way to dorm room and decide virtue must be rewarded by watching movie with friends.
12. After movie, post-movie pizza and post-pizza discussion of weekend, return to dorm room to work on paper.
13. Take notes for 20 minutes. Decide sleep is important.
14. Sleep, go to class, do all of other home work and otherwise keep busy until approximately 48 hours before paper is due, when serious, heart-thumping panic accompanies the realization that:

    1. There is no way I’m going to get through all of those library books, and
    2. I have nothing to say that hasn’t already been said better.
15. Experience one to two hours of frenzied chatting with friends while riding adrenaline rush from panic.
16. Decide I need a plan.
17. Start to make a rough outline.
18. Realize I’m trying to cover too much.
19. Brainstorm ways to focus my paper by making lists.
20. See which list uses the greatest number of my sources. Turn it into a rough outline.
21. Assign a number to each of my notes. Put that number into the outline where it best fits.
22. Decide my paper is as good as written and go to bed.
23. Wake up the next day knowing the paper has to be written that day.
24. Sit down with outline, notes, typewriter and paper. (Yes, this was back in the day of typewriters.)
25. Get up to find dictionary.
26. Get up to find white out.
27. Get up to get some food.
28. Get some caffeine.
29. Make suddenly very important phone call to long lost family member.
30. At about 10 pm, finally start really writing paper.
31. Finish first draft between 1 and 3 am.
32. “Proofread” by looking for typing and spelling mistakes but have hard time actually reading words on the page due to exhaustion.
33. Go to bed.
34. Hand in paper the next day and hope for the best.

Warning: These steps are not recommended. It took me an additional eight years of graduate school to learn to write. To see what I learned, go to “How I Write Now.”

Real Writers In Action